from my old art journal

I need to get back into art journaling.  Here are some excerpts from one of my old art journals, from, oh, three or so years ago.  It is really interesting to look back and see the themes and symbols that appear again and again. 

I feel as though I've pretty much shut down all winter.  I've had a hard time trying to figure out if I'm super depressed, or totally content with my life.  Isn't it bizarre that they might be confused? 

By being content, I think I've stopped hoping, stopped thinking about the way things might be in the future.  Living 'in the moment' can mean not looking forward to anything, not having any goals.  I need more balance, methinks. 

I'm going over to Shae's tonight for dinner.  We try to get together for a potluck type dinner every Monday night, along with another friend, Olivia.  How wonderful is it that I'm now part of a community, that I have friends?  I've been avoiding people for most of the winter, getting out of plans, or just not showing up.  I sometimes become really afraid and overwhelmed at the thought of being around people, even though I know it'll be a good experience.  I just shut down.  After I have been around people, I need Alone Time when I get home, to recover and process.  My oh my, don't I just sound like the life of the party?

I'm working on all this, and really, I've improved dramatically.  I even make eye contact with people, if I remember to.  I doubt I'm doing it "right" - it doesn't feel natural - but maybe it helps to convince people that I might not be a weirdo.

How telling is it that the one group activity I participate in is silent meditation? 

Well, I'm off to dish up some homemade chicken noodle soup for my little guy who has the sniffles, then I'm going to make some pumpkin raisin muffins to take over to Shae's tonight.